Hello friends,
Sorry it's been a while since I've posted, but I've been trying to keep my head about water while I prepare for next week's Good News Adventure camp that I coordinate. I don't have time to write something thoughtful right now, but I just wanted to put out a quick request for prayers.
I was feeling pretty confident that I could handle everything, until today, when we did our set up and decorating for a few hours. Now, I'm struggling with a lot of pain and feeling really anxious about how I'm going to make it through the week (let alone be joyful and energetic). Between kids, teens, and adult volunteers, there will be over 120 people there, and I am feeling the pressure of all those people counting on me. I'm trying to just trust that God will carry me through, but I would definitely appreciate your prayers. Thank you!
~ Sara
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Wheelin'
So... I got a wheelchair.
It took me a long time to get to a place where I was willing to do this (complicated emotions here, for sure), but I finally realized that there are things that I would be able to do if I had a wheelchair that right now I just can't manage on foot. And it would be pretty silly to keep missing out on things that I really could do if I had a better way to get around. I'm usually pretty rational about stuff like this, but for some reason, this one's really hard for me. But it was the right thing to do, both for me and for my family. It turns out, they really do like me and want to have me around when they go do things. :)
We went to a wonderful non-profit called Katy's Kloset that's basically a giant warehouse of donated medical supplies that really kind and helpful volunteers give away to anyone who needs them. I have to admit, I was a tad awkward and irrational about the whole thing, but with the help of a compassionate husband and an understanding volunteer, we found a wheelchair that works ok for me.
So, on the day we got the chair, it was beautiful outside, and Mike and I went for a walk around our neighborhood together. (We couldn't decide if we could call it "going for a walk together" if I'm not walking. We toyed with Mike "taking me out for a spin," and landed on "going for a stroll." Funny conversation.) I had not realized how much I missed just have a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood. It's been months since I walked any further than I absolutely had to. Just to be outside and wander around was so lovely. (I might have cried a little - a weird mix of happy and sad.)
A few weeks after that, on another nice day, our whole family went to the park together, and I felt so full of joy to be able to go there with them. We even stopped at a playground and I attempted some wheelchair basketball against Sam. I'm pretty terrible, but it made me really happy to be able to play sports with my son, and Sam thought it was great. :)
And, even better, on the kids' spring break, we went to the Shedd Aquarium together, something I could never have done without a wheelchair. It was a perfect day with my family. I have to alternate riding in the wheelchair with getting out to stretch or walk around for a minute or two, because I get pretty achy if I sit for a long time, but it helped so much. It was a long day, and pain still made itself known throughout the trip, but I was there and enjoying life with my kids. What a blessing. Big crowds in tight spaces make rolling around a little challenging at times, and I think there was an unusually large number of elevator problems for one day, but all in all, it was great.
The hardest thing for me was Palm Sunday. Our church begins the Palm Sunday liturgy outside in the parking lot, and there's an opening prayer, blessing of palms, and reading of the Gospel there, followed by a procession around the block, singing and waving our palms. My feet were pretty bad that day, and I knew I couldn't participate on foot. It would seem like using my wheelchair would have been an easy choice, but it was surprisingly hard for me to decide to do that. My sweet husband knew how weird I was feeling about the whole thing, and he understood when I told him I would just stay inside and skip the procession, even though he had wrestled the wheelchair into the car trunk that morning (not an easy task) so that I wouldn't miss out. At the last minute, I realized I was being ridiculous, and I shouldn't miss part of this once-a-year liturgy that I love, just because I felt so awkward about using the wheelchair. So, I did it. I sat in that wheelchair and prayed and sang and rolled around the block and tried to feel happy about the whole thing. Of course, I spent the whole time looking at my feet because I felt so uncomfortable about the whole thing, but at least it's a step, right? I don't know exactly why this was so hard for me - My church community is truly like family for me, and I have already received so much love and compassion from so many people there. I guess I just knew that people would notice - that those who haven't heard what is going on with me would ask questions - that a wheelchair made it all so public. And I really just wanted to focus on the liturgy that day, and I wanted everyone else to do the same. On the other hand, how silly would it be to want to hide my suffering on a day that we celebrate God entering into human suffering and transforming it?
So, that's the deal. I have a wheelchair, and I use it sometimes to do things that I'm not able to do without it. Pretty simple, right? Leave it to me to make everything so emotionally complicated! :)
I'm sure I'll get more used to the whole thing over time, but for now, I'm just choosing to be grateful to have a way to get around when I need it, so I can be more present for the people I love.
It took me a long time to get to a place where I was willing to do this (complicated emotions here, for sure), but I finally realized that there are things that I would be able to do if I had a wheelchair that right now I just can't manage on foot. And it would be pretty silly to keep missing out on things that I really could do if I had a better way to get around. I'm usually pretty rational about stuff like this, but for some reason, this one's really hard for me. But it was the right thing to do, both for me and for my family. It turns out, they really do like me and want to have me around when they go do things. :)
We went to a wonderful non-profit called Katy's Kloset that's basically a giant warehouse of donated medical supplies that really kind and helpful volunteers give away to anyone who needs them. I have to admit, I was a tad awkward and irrational about the whole thing, but with the help of a compassionate husband and an understanding volunteer, we found a wheelchair that works ok for me.
So, on the day we got the chair, it was beautiful outside, and Mike and I went for a walk around our neighborhood together. (We couldn't decide if we could call it "going for a walk together" if I'm not walking. We toyed with Mike "taking me out for a spin," and landed on "going for a stroll." Funny conversation.) I had not realized how much I missed just have a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood. It's been months since I walked any further than I absolutely had to. Just to be outside and wander around was so lovely. (I might have cried a little - a weird mix of happy and sad.)
A few weeks after that, on another nice day, our whole family went to the park together, and I felt so full of joy to be able to go there with them. We even stopped at a playground and I attempted some wheelchair basketball against Sam. I'm pretty terrible, but it made me really happy to be able to play sports with my son, and Sam thought it was great. :)
And, even better, on the kids' spring break, we went to the Shedd Aquarium together, something I could never have done without a wheelchair. It was a perfect day with my family. I have to alternate riding in the wheelchair with getting out to stretch or walk around for a minute or two, because I get pretty achy if I sit for a long time, but it helped so much. It was a long day, and pain still made itself known throughout the trip, but I was there and enjoying life with my kids. What a blessing. Big crowds in tight spaces make rolling around a little challenging at times, and I think there was an unusually large number of elevator problems for one day, but all in all, it was great.
The hardest thing for me was Palm Sunday. Our church begins the Palm Sunday liturgy outside in the parking lot, and there's an opening prayer, blessing of palms, and reading of the Gospel there, followed by a procession around the block, singing and waving our palms. My feet were pretty bad that day, and I knew I couldn't participate on foot. It would seem like using my wheelchair would have been an easy choice, but it was surprisingly hard for me to decide to do that. My sweet husband knew how weird I was feeling about the whole thing, and he understood when I told him I would just stay inside and skip the procession, even though he had wrestled the wheelchair into the car trunk that morning (not an easy task) so that I wouldn't miss out. At the last minute, I realized I was being ridiculous, and I shouldn't miss part of this once-a-year liturgy that I love, just because I felt so awkward about using the wheelchair. So, I did it. I sat in that wheelchair and prayed and sang and rolled around the block and tried to feel happy about the whole thing. Of course, I spent the whole time looking at my feet because I felt so uncomfortable about the whole thing, but at least it's a step, right? I don't know exactly why this was so hard for me - My church community is truly like family for me, and I have already received so much love and compassion from so many people there. I guess I just knew that people would notice - that those who haven't heard what is going on with me would ask questions - that a wheelchair made it all so public. And I really just wanted to focus on the liturgy that day, and I wanted everyone else to do the same. On the other hand, how silly would it be to want to hide my suffering on a day that we celebrate God entering into human suffering and transforming it?
So, that's the deal. I have a wheelchair, and I use it sometimes to do things that I'm not able to do without it. Pretty simple, right? Leave it to me to make everything so emotionally complicated! :)
I'm sure I'll get more used to the whole thing over time, but for now, I'm just choosing to be grateful to have a way to get around when I need it, so I can be more present for the people I love.
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